How God Rescued Me From Porn

I am writing to my brothers and sisters in Christ who are battling with an addiction to pornography. I want you to know—God can rescue you. In this post, I’ll share some research on porn and the negative impact it can have on us. Then, I’ll share how God rescued me from it after being addicted for many years.

According to research from PsychCentral, 40 million Americans regularly visit porn sites —

70% of men aged 18 to 24 visit at least once per month, the largest consumer group of online porn is men between the ages of 35 and 49, and Sunday is the most popular day of the week for viewing porn.

What society views as a normal activity, is actually something that is damaging sexual health, harming relationships, contributing to mental illness, and is influencing sex slavery.

For thousands of years, images have been created to tell a story. From the walls of ancient caves to sculptures, people have used imagery to showcase aspects of the human experience— including sexual activity. Some have considered sex scenes and nude images a work of art, while others consider it obscene.

Despite which side of the spectrum we fall on, the power and possession images have over the mind and behavior of people is evident. For the ancient world, the debate was centered around images and art. Today, it’s centered around pornography: the filming of sexual activity to be shared with viewers on a screen. Film and technology allow mass access to imagery more frequently and primitively. Viewers can watch sexual activity as much as they want, whenever they want.

Why do people, especially men, find pleasure in or desire to watch individuals or groups of people engage in sexual activity on a screen? In most cases, those showcasing sexual acts on screen are complete strangers to the viewer. The viewer has no physical connection or relationship with those they are watching. However, the viewer is aroused by the imagery and compelled to perform sexual acts with themselves through masturbation or brought pleasure by the mere sight of it.

Somehow, The imagery on the screen virtually penetrates the mind and emotions of the viewer and posses them to engage. The viewer is brought pleasure by the sight of something they can’t physically touch and their mind is stimulated and changed by every image they see.

Before I go any further, as mentioned earlier, I was a viewer of pornography. For 16 years, I frequently viewed it. I was exposed to it in 1997 at the age of 10 years old. From 10 to 26 years old, I derived pleasure from images on a screen. From VHS to internet websites, I watched other people perform sexual acts with one another for half of my life.

So how did God rescue me from porn?

For those of you who’ve read my prior blog posts, you know that 2012 was a pivotal time in my life. During that time, I spent some time incarcerated. God used that time to discipline me and reveal the darkness I had inside of me. I had an encounter with God. I realized how pornography made me feel comfortable around strangers having sex. It distorted my moral compass and made my brain believe things about sex that were not true in real life. Honestly, I didn’t understand the true purpose of sex. Unfortunately, I viewed real life like porn.

Once I realized this, I had a decision to make. That day, I gave my darkness to God and decided to walk in the light. I turned from porn. I surrendered to God and allowed Him to rescue me. From that point, I learned the true purpose of sex. I learned that God created sex exclusively for man and woman, who are married, to procreate and find pleasure in it. He created it as a form of intimacy between two people who know and love one another. Once I accepted this truth, I gave up everything that caused me to watch porn. I sold my iPad and iPhone and bought an old phone with no internet connection. When my mind became clear and free, I read the Bible more and watched only rated PG movies. To this day, I close my eyes on sex scenes. I reserve anything related to sex for my marriage. This didn’t happen over night. I had to work at monitoring what I viewed. Moment by moment, year after year, the desire went away.

It’s been 7 years since my rescue and I haven’t watched it since. Here are three things God did to rescue me:

1. He disciplined me. “For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” Hebrews 12:6 ESV

2. He forgive me. God’s forgiveness through Christ Jesus released the guilt and shame that came with watching porn. “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”Romans 5:8 ESV

3. He made my eyes healthy. The less provocative things I watched, the less I desired them. “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!” Matthew 6:22-23 NIV

I’m not subscribing a formula for rescue. I’m simply sharing my testimony with you. 7 years later, I have my iPhone and iPad back. I share all social media outlets with my wife for accountability and follow people who don’t post sexual content. God has been faithful to me. I know it is by His spirit that I am free. Scripture says,

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV

I pray that God would answer your prayers and set you free from the battle against porn addiction. I pray that God would rescue you and provide you with a way of escape. I’ll leave you with this scripture:

“O Israel, keep hoping, keep trusting, and keep waiting on the Lord, for he is tenderhearted, kind, and forgiving. He has a thousand ways to set you free! He himself will redeem you; he will ransom you from the cruel slavery of your sins!” Psalms 130:7-8 TPT

With Love,

Your Brother in Christ

A Letter to Young Black Christian Leaders

Dear Young Black Christian Leader, 

I don’t know about you, but I felt sudden sadness and frustration after reading statistics about Blacks dying from COVID-19 at a much higher rate than other Americans. I thought to myself, how did a virus from Wuhan, China become a death threat to Blacks in America? 

In full transparency, COVID-19 didn’t feel like much of a crisis to me until statistics on Black Americans were shared. Unfortunately, I took the crisis seriously when it directly impacted my race and community. The problem with this mentality is my lack of empathy for what was happening in China. When stories on the virus started to surface on the news, I thought to myself, “I’m so happy that’s not happening here in America.” Did you feel the same way? If not, I guess I’m the only insensitive person in America. LOL. 

Upon reflecting on this, I realized a good leader must empathize with others who suffer near and far and take their issue or problem as a sign that it could happen to anyone. I’m sharing this to acknowledge my racial bias and how it prevented me from responding to a crisis and stepping up as a leader. In order to step up, I had to acknowledge my ignorance and lack of empathy. After dealing with the man in the mirror, I went to the Lord. 

As a young black christian leader I depend on my biblical worldview to navigate life, especially during a crisis. After reading articles, watching the news, strolling through social media and reflecting, I prayed; “God, I know this doesn’t mean you don’t like Black people, because your word says you don’t show favoritism. So, why are we suffering and dying more than everyone else?” 

In that moment, God made four things clear to me: 

1.There is a season for everything.

2.There is hope in darkness. 

3. I will need faith and wisdom.

4. I must fight the good fight.

There is a season for everything.

In Ecclesiastes 3:1 it is written, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.” ‭‭This scripture helped me realize that the current crisis our world faces has an end date. It’s for a season, a time and a purpose. In Daniel 2:20-22, he says, “Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever; wisdom and power are his. He changes times and seasons; he deposes kings and raises up others. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him.” As leaders, we have to know and tell those who follow us, this too shall pass. We have to seek the Lord and tell the world, “God is in control.” I don’t want to get too preachy, because I’m still struggling with it all as well. But this is a benefit of a Believer in God. We have access to God who is in control of everything.

There is hope in darkness.

I lost hope when those statistics went public about Black Americans dying at an alarming rate. When I watch the news and read articles too much, it steals my hope. When hope is lost it’s hard to imagine an end date. I tend to slip into panic like the rest of the world and can no longer operate as a leader. However, I read a scripture that encouraged me. In Romans 5:5, it is written, “And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” ‭‭After reading this scripture, I realized my hope was under attack. I let what I saw on television convince me that God didn’t love Black people. However, this scripture restored my hope and reminded me that believing things will get better is connected to my hope. My hope will not put me to shame and your hope will not put you to shame. Our hope is directly connected to our faith.

As Christians our faith must be accompanied with wisdom, knowledge and understanding. We can’t allow our faith to be used to avoid the truth. Things are not good right now. The present reality is really bad for many people. Therefore, we have to practice empathy in our approach to responding to this pandemic as leaders. Again, I’m not preaching, I’m just sharing what I’m learning during this time.

Have faith and wisdom.

In Hebrews 11:1 it is written, “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” In order to activate our faith, we have to hope for a better tomorrow. After taking a break from social media and the news, I realized fear is the greatest distraction from hope. If we’re afraid of what will happen, we can’t hope for a better future. I’m starting to hope again. I pray that you can hope again too. Imagine a better future and people being more connected after this crisis. Imagine a world filled with love and peace. After distancing myself from the world and drawing near to God, I found my hope and that hope activated my faith again.

Fight the good fight.

We have to protect ourselves from COVID-19! Here is the deal, the government, hospitals and churches can’t protect us from this virus. We have to take on the responsibility for ourselves. This means being responsible and adhering to the guidelines put in place to help us navigate this new reality. As Christians we can’t use our faith to ignore wisdom and knowledge. I’m guilty of this. I’ll share something personal to me. In 2017, when my wife was pregnant with our first child, we had an early term pregnancy due to complications and we lost our son. Prior to this issue, there were signs that something was wrong, but I used my faith to override what I saw. I said things like, “ God got us, we’re gonna be okay.” However, I never used the wisdom that was screaming in my mind, “ GO TO THE DOCTOR!” If I’m honest, I was scared of the truth. I didn’t use my faith. While I don’t believe this is why we lost our baby, I think many of us are scared to know the truth. We fear finding out we have medical conditions. As Christians, some of us shout, pray and declare a healing without ever knowing the status of our health. I don’t mean to start criticizing us, because I can only truly speak for myself.

I believe we can use our faith to obtain healing but, we have to know the truth. In the Bible, no one went to Jesus unaware of their issue. They were aware of their health issue or situation and from that place of truth, Jesus was able to heal them. As leaders we have to preach and teach about a faith that requires honesty, not avoidance and distractions. Am I preaching again? I’m sorry. 

Leaders, we have to fight the good fight. America allows Black people to be oppressed. Power and authority is disproportionately distributed due to racism. Racism is a system based on color that gives people of a certain race superiority over others. So, how are we to fight racial injustice with the authority and power God has given to us? We have to face our own injustices within our hearts and exchange them for God’s heart towards all humanity. For example, In Isaiah 5:5-9, the prophet had an encounter with God prior to fulfilling his assignment from God. He had to face his sinfulness and then go to fight against the injustices of Israel. I believe we all carry some form of injustice and in order to fight the good fight, we have to address what’s in our hearts first. Fighting injustice requires a level of purity and surrender to the agenda of God. Our bias can’t lead us in the fight. God has to lead it.

During a time, when things are uncertain, we need to own our ignorance. Now is a good time to express what we don’t know more than expressing what we do know. This will require us to truly listen. I believe, post-pandemic, we will need to have more conversations than lectures. People are spending time with their thoughts and want to share how they feel about what’s happening and we need to be open to hearing other point-of-views. People want to be talked with and not talked to. 

Lastly, I pray you’re empowered to stand with God and fight the good fight. Challenge the status quo by asking tough questions to your leaders, families and friends. Plan events that will spark a movement to bring change. Don’t be silent. Speak up. Act. We need you to be a leader. 

With love, 

Your Brother in Christ

Faith and Finances

Growing up, it seemed like everything I wanted required an amount of money I didn’t have. From shoes to clothes and hanging out with friends—it all cost something! My understanding of money stemmed from not having it and not having money caused me to want it more than anything else. 

 

When I was a little boy, I stole ten dollars out of my mother’s purse. I’ll never forget that day. It was Friday. My school was selling pickles and popcorn and she wouldn’t give me money for it. On that Friday, I bought my cousins and I pickles and popcorn and we ate it before we arrived home. When I got home, I got a nice whooping for my behavior. As a child, raised by a single mother, I had no idea how my stealing impacted her finances. After that day, I knew money had to be earned-not stolen. 

 

Fast forward to teenage years. I started working at the age of thirteen. I couldn’t wait to earn my own money because I knew it gave me access to what I wanted. At this job, I was making three hundred dollars every two weeks. My mother set up a bank account for me and having my own money was everything I imagined. When I got paid, I bought what I wanted. I never saved and I ran out of money the week I got paid. Anxiously, I waited for my next check to have money again. The wait was painful!  My mind was filled with thoughts of what I would do next with the money. I spent until I had no more.

 

Money was important to me. I literally loved it. I loved all that I could do with it. Therefore, I worked as much as I could to obtain money. I’ve been in the workforce for 19 years and I’m only 32!

 

For the first quarter of my life, I thought the money was the source of life. I didn’t understand money as a resource given by God. However, when I started my journey with God, the Bible gave me a new perspective on money. I learned three valuable lessons I would like to share:

 

1. God is the Source of Life 
2. What You Spend Your Money on–Shows Where Your Heart is 
3. Giving is an Act of Worship unto God 

 

God is the Source of Life

 

“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.” Genesis‬ ‭1:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

 

“The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it;”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭24:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

 

After reading scripture, I learned that God is the creator of the heavens and the earth and everything in it (Genesis 1). This fact alone changed my mindset. If God created me; then, my livelihood is reliant on Him not money. Without God, I can’t work—let alone breathe. Therefore, God is the source of life. Without God, money wouldn’t mean anything.

 

What You Spend Your Money on, Shows Where Your Heart is 

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew‬ ‭6:21‬ ‭NIV

 

When I reflect on my past and what I spent my money on, I can see my heart desires. I desired to be accepted by others. Everything I bought was to cope with my brokenness and rejection. Majority of my life, I spent my money on new clothes and shoes, food, and entertainment. I spent it to make me feel good and to make people like me. Every time I gave, I expected something in return. I used money to create a life different than the life I truly had and I never made enough to do that.

 

 

Giving is an Act of Worship Unto God

 

I had no idea that money could be given without getting something back. Before this revelation, I viewed money as power to purchase. I never saw it the way God meant it to be. Once I allowed God into my life, I discovered I was a steward of the money I earned. As an act of worship to God, I can use my money to help people. I started to view money as a way to sustain my life and bless others. Now, I give as an act of worship to God. I give to people in need, my local church and other places I feel led to give. In conclusion, I learned that money is only a resource God gave us to do His will on earth. We have to give our finances to God and spend money in a way that honors and brings Him glory. That looks different for everyone.

Part Two: Satisfying Father Hunger

The bible says God adopts us into his family through Jesus Christ. In Ephesians 1:4 (NLT) the Apostle Paul says:

“God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.”

When I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I was adopted into God’s family. My father became the Creator of the universe. Older and so much wiser, I see now God has always been there for me. Through Jesus Christ, I met my eternal fatherthe one who created me. He knew me before my mother and father even conceived me. My calling and purpose became clear to me when I married my wife and was blessed with a father-in-law. He was connected to God and through our divine connection, God spoke to me as He did Moses.

We need earthly fathers–a male figure physically and spiritually present in our everyday lives. Jesus had an earthly father, but He also revealed God as His father. We need God the Father and physical fathers in the earth. It takes both to fulfill God’s mission and purpose in the earth.

Another example of a father figure is a mentor–someone that will assume the responsibilities of teaching, raising, nurturing a younger person who is not his/her biological child. God will send us mentors to show His fatherhood towards us.

In the bible, there are great men not raised by their biological fathers. For example, Samuel was raised and mentored by Eli (a priest). Elisha left his family and followed Elijah. Jesus, whose biological father was God, was raised by Joseph.

I know God can, will and does use fatherless people. I also believe the destruction of fathers/son dynamics hinders the progression of God’s mission in the earth. Hypothetically speaking, if my father was connected to God and raised me, I believe I could have discovered my purpose sooner. Maybe life could have been different for me. Maybe I would not have struggled as much as I did

Let’s pause right here. Take a moment to think about your biological parents. 

If your father or mother were not in your life as you believe they should be, maybe their only purpose was to conceive you. My advice would be not to dwell on them being absent. Love is not geneticit is learned. Just because the DNA match does not mean love is there. This may sound harsh but reflect on that thought for a moment.

Consider you were born for the purposes of being raised and loved by someone else. Once you discover that your true parent is God, your expectations of your earthly parent(s) can and will be lowered. They are merely stewards on this earth. Raising you is a job that they may didn’t have the qualifications for. Believe me, God will burden someone to love you because He loves you. This is the revelation!

If you are experiencing Father Hunger, can I pray for you? If I can, read below:

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for your love and affection. I pray that you would send mentors and father figures into the lives of those who are suffering from father hunger. Jesus, I ask that you place a burden on the hearts of men of God to mentor and be father figures to the fatherless in the faith and those who don’t know You also. God, fill us and keep us as we wait. Heal us and open our eyes to see who really wants to help us. We trust Your will to be done. Thank You for always being so mindful and thoughtful of us. It is in Your son, Jesus’s name, we pray. Amen.

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